Reverse Body Dysmorphia

For most of my life, I have suffered from a very serious and rare illness known as Reverse Body Dysmorphia, or for short, RBD.

My symptoms include, but are not limited to, regularly trying on pants from college (that are three to four sizes smaller than my current size) and assuming they will fit, emphatically arguing that glass store fronts are warped and thus result in a much larger reflection, attempting to purchasing bathing suits on the internet, without trying them on, and writing down the number “140” on any paperwork that requires my weight. When my weight is checked by a professional, I make sure to tell the nurse that my clothes are very, very heavy, and also, I’m probably premenstrual, which adds at least 25 pounds. Also, let’s not forget, that my scale at home is definitely more accurate because I got it at Hammacher Schlamacher, and therefore, I insist that the nurse record my weight with an asterisk and a note about the extenuating circumstances of said weighing.

In a nutshell, I walk around New York City thinking I am prettier and thinner than I actually am. But, today I wasn’t in New York; I was on a trip to Nowhere, Ohio, and I wasn’t feeling quite like myself.

Three weeks earlier, after scarfing down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, I found myself in bed watching Biggest Loser and yelling at the TV.